Homecoming

So much of the past year for me has been about finding my grounding again. I left my home of Seattle, after 10 years, right when I was at the top of my game. I had a fantastic job where I was taken care of very well, I had a lovely apartment that allowed me to feel safe and cozy. I lived in a neighborhood where I loved to be any given time of the day, I knew my neighbors, they'd say hello and chit chat with me. I had friends that called on me all hours of the day and visited me and made plans with me to shop, drink lattes, drink wine, go to shows, take walks, do nothing at all, laugh etc. Then I left.
I left for so many reasons, one being that I really felt the need to be closer to my family again. We are all getting older and I felt that I was missing out on things that I should not have been missing out on. The little celebrations of life, the big moments of life, the day to day moments of life...I was having them on my own in Seattle while everyone else was having them here in AZ. I missed that.
Leaving wasn't difficult, it's looking back at how good I had it that is difficult. Not that I didn't realize how good I had it and of course I was grateful for everything I did have! I think it's the looking back that I've been doing lately only because the present is so unsettling or non-grounding. Looking for that right and better-fitting job that I desire, making my own friends who share my common interests and aren't married with kids (nothing in common there- of course I love my married mom friends though), trying to meet Mr. Right in huge sea of Mr. Wrongs or Mr. Maybes...not fun. It's all been so confusing, frustrating, unsettling....yet, in those quiet times when I do feel those feelings, somehow hope creeps in. And things feel better- even for a fleeting second.
I am reminded of why I returned when I am called to babysit my excellent nieces and nephew. Or when I get to hang out with my sis in law for a morning of Domestic Bliss shopping. Or planning a happy hour event with my bro or saying hi to my parents each evening, sharing dinner with them, laughing with them, sharing our days together. It might not be Seattle and the kick ass life I had there. But it is love, it is safe, it is home. And in the end, when the job falls into place, when the friends come around, when the right guy is next to me- my family's presence would have been constant through all of that and to me, that is priceless, that is why I came home!