2008

Almost new year greetings! What a year it's been. Before I reflect I'll note that I am doped up on ibuprofen and caffeine. I was up most of the night with an extremely painful shoulder. I went bowling with my parents, nieces & nephew and perhaps I did something then? PS. the little children kickd my a$$, that is until I started bowling with my left hand/arm which is the shoulder that is throbbing. I am also on my 2nd cup of very strong coffee from my Seattle. No breakfast, just coffee and pills. What a way to end the year!
I started this year off in San Diego and found myself then entering into a relationship that began as quickly as it ended. Due to this relationship I took much too much time off wondering and waiting for things to happen. It all seemed right at the time, looking back over the year at that specific item, I probably should have been more honest to myself about how things weren't going to work out in the end. I think I knew earlier than I admitted but given the kind of person I am and the kind of person I was with, we both wanted to make it work and give it our all. We can't fault ourselves for trying. And in the end- I learned much more about myself, love, men, what I want and for sure what I don't want. It's a prime example of the cliche "if you lose, don't lose the lesson". I didn't! What I experienced and learned was golden and though I spent a lot of time not doing anything but pondering and waiting, in the end it all made sense.
Once that ended, I got busy looking for work. This area too presented many challenges. Being a licensed social worker in AZ is alot different that being one in WA. I started and ended a few jobs, more than I wanted to deal with. It's not my M.O. I like consistency and at that point was seeking some sort of settled feeling due to the chaotic nature of everything else around me.
But I kept searching and wondering and hoping for the best, and couldn't be more thrilled to be where I'm at now- on the horizon on my excellent new job starting soon. The one that I always wanted and in some ways thought it impossible to get. But I did and it's a great way to end and begin a year.
I also continued to perfect or at least practice my communication skills with both family and friends. It was a year of redefining boundaries, setting some news, letting go of others. A good portion of the year was me working on bettering my self in all aspects...of course spiritually being the first and foremost. The one thing I hang onto the most and rely on before all is that relationship with God, Jesus, Creator, Spirit, Universe...all titles are interchangable. This is who I seek out in the darkness of the night, in the fear, in the wondering, in the hoping, in the celebrating. This is always a defining moment.
I'm sad this year wasn't full of more concerts except for Helio. I did meet Maynard JK though and he just started at me. I travelled a ton this year...I was out and about at least once a month if not more. That's always a highlight for me and I hope 2009 allow for just as much or more!
I learned to appreciate my parents more than ever, is that possible since I've always been a big fan of theirs?
I've appreciated the time spent with my good best friend Angela, she's a gem and I love that I get to see her so much more now!
I can't say this has been the best year ever, but it wasn't the worst. It was a year full of growing, learning, love, changes, exploration, family, travel, blessings of health and safety, decisions, licenses, celebrations and beauty.
I look back and am grateful that my family and I are healthy. I am grateful that I have a family that love me and support me and allow me to do the same. I am grateful that I am woman born into a country where I have choices, I have freedom and I have a voice. The alternatives are numerous and it's by the grace of God that we are where we are. I am grateful for my friends who love me and let me in their lives. I am grateful for my new excellent job and I pray that I will be the best social worker I can be for the population I will be serving. I am daily humbled by all that I and those around me have, at times that humility forces me on my knees to acknowledge my gratitude. I look back on these things with gratitude and look ahead for them to continue and prosper.
It's been a good year and here's to an even better one- 2009!
Happy New Year everyone. Stay safe celebrating and may it be great for us all!
Love- me

Happy Birthday to ME!

Ha! I'm 35 today. Holy $hit! I have so many thoughts about this yet don't want to stir up anything. I spent a great day with family. I always feel so grateful to my parents on this day, not that I am not just as grateful any other day but my birthday is just as much a celebration of them as it is me. My mom especially - she is the one who went through the 9 months of carrying me, laboring over me and finally pushing me. It's a humbling thought. To this day- I still love hearing my "birth" story as only she can tell it. I love hearing my dad's side too, what he was doing, feeling, witnessing. My parents are cute and super awesome! I am grateful to them for my life. Thanks mom and dad!

On another note, I looked at a condo today that is on the market, right in the neighborhood I want to be in. My parents joined me and asked all the right questions since I'm a newbie at this. It's a bit of a fixer upper since the guys living there now are students...lawn chair for furniture. But it has a great potential and the price is right. Sadly, since I'm a first time buyer it'll be quite difficult securing a loan given all the crazy housing tumult. But if it's meant to be, it'll be.
Exciting though!

And- I must return to the gym, I haven't had a regular workout routine since before thanksgiving and let's just say the jeans are getting a bit tight! YIKES!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and Happy 2009!
(I am not a fan at all of the New Years eve and day holidays) I will be hanging with my parents having a lovely dinner on the eve of and then chilling out the day of! Stay safe everyone!

Life's loves lost

Darn, I missed seeing Maynard James Keenan at Whole Foods this past week. My mom reminded me that the day he was there was the day that I received my good news about my new job, so sure, I had other things going on and didn't know he'd be there. I found out too late, but he is one of my favorite singers from one of my favorite bands, TOOL, so I'm sad to not have had the chance to stare at him (like he stared at me when I met him in April). I haven't had a PJ run-in for quite some time, so a Maynard run-in would have done the trick!
Currently I'm listening to Bon Iver's 'Skinny Love' (heavy rotation) and am reflecting on a conversation I had last night with my RiS. He's a very good friend and lives too far away. RiS and I met on July 23, 2006, he was standing right next to me at the first of two Pearl Jam shows at the Gorge in George, Washington. The second show, he ended up being 2 seats away from me, so we were able to chat, joke and make bets on the next song during the entire show. Too much fun! He was fun then and is still fun now. We spent some serious quality time in NYC while I was there last year. We discovered "the Place", the coolest hang-out in the west village. Often times, in my mind, I go back to The Place. We were out until 4am, we shut each venue we frequented down. It's up there as one of the best nights for me.
Anyhoo- RiS and I spent many many nights/hours on the phone while I lived in Seattle. Our record length for a phone chat is 4+ hours. We can just chat and chat...usually check-ins at first then onto music, and more music. Then all sorts of other stuff.
Last night was no different, I needed a dose of RiS last night. We both have always been in the same place about life together. Yet in some ways see things differently, but it's a nice combo. He just turned 40, I'll be 35. We are both single and are happy yet feel like we need to hurry up and do something. Yet are both picky and won't settle for dysfunction or anything else. We both agreed it's confusing, at times it's looked down upon to be single for picky reasons vs. being married for settling reasons. We talked at length about all this. It felt good! In the end, I know that I am doing super great and I know he will be too soon. My better future just opened up, I know his is on the way!
Last night's phone chat....started at 9:46pm and ended at 12:23am. Thank God for my excellent friends!

Sludge Factory

Good news to report! Remember in my last post how I explained about my job situation and how the one I really want is at the VA....well this week I was offered that position! Yay! It's fantastic. I am so excited for so many reasons! It's a great Christmas, birthday and New Year present all in one. I woke up the day after I received the offer and it felt like Christmas morning. It's a good thing for sure.
Not much else to report- taking my "big" exam tomorrow and haven't been studying as much as I should. I've done quite well on the practice tests I've taken so I feel like perhaps just review is all I can give this, hopefully it goes smoothly.
Up next- house hunting!
Layne Staley-looking extremely hot!

oh and Sludge Factory....one of my favorite Alice-in-Chains songs. It's off their last CD which came out 12 years ago. 6 years before Layne died. I've been thinking about him alot due to the way he died and what I do for a living. There is inspiration there, him and Andy Wood...sad sad sad. Anyhoo- Sludge Factory ==great song, angry song, Layne song!

. . . got nothing to say

Well, I've been accused by more than P and M, that I haven't written lately so here goes. I haven't updated just because I've got nothing to say (title of a Soundgarden song, early SG). I started a new job on Monday but never went back. Hee hee. It was a joke of a job and I could never ever do 12 step therapy. Not sure why I even took the job well, I know why I took the job but I was hesitant about it all along. Even John in Morning on monday morning couldn't help me! I knew what I was getting into..and since I'm not one to settle (guys, job etc- haven't yet), so why would I now? It was an awful day and I didn't go back and I'm not looking back.
I have another offer that I accepted. It's for a clinical director (fancy title) and fancy money. But I'm not excited for it mainly because I know for at least 2 hours if not more each day I will be stuck in traffic. I don't mind traffic, I mind the time it takes out of my life.
But it's clinical- me supervising 12 social workers....we'll see. I'm still holding out for the VA since that's where I really want to be! It'll happen, I'll make that one happen!

I'd like to now state what I am grateful and thankful for in no particular order: my parents for the generosity and love and putting up my overprocessing of these big adult decisions I'm making, my bro, sis and kids for their love and fun spirits, my aunt for listening to me patiently, my friends- Ang, Sue, Stac, Sar, Gre(hope the leg heals fast and faster), Blake, Ray, Car, Rob, Ric.....these are the people who listen to me at all hours of the day or night. They return my voicemails, they respond to my emails, they soothe my tears(which have been plentiful lately), they make me laugh, they understand, they cheer me on, they get it. Thank you friends for being there- I miss you all like crazy!
My many job options- people, in the last few weeks I've been offered like 4 jobs....it's flattering, it's humbling and I'm grateful to be wanted. (C'mon VA).
I'm grateful for music and memories that at times get me thru things like nothing else. I'm grateful for hope, for peace, for constantly striving for them and knowing who to turn to for them. I'm grateful for the health and safety of me and my family. That we are all employed and getting by. That we have warm homes and clothes to wear and cars to drive.
I'm grateful for the exciting and fantastic things that will happen in 2009. A new year with new promise.

More later- lovelies....