2008

Almost new year greetings! What a year it's been. Before I reflect I'll note that I am doped up on ibuprofen and caffeine. I was up most of the night with an extremely painful shoulder. I went bowling with my parents, nieces & nephew and perhaps I did something then? PS. the little children kickd my a$$, that is until I started bowling with my left hand/arm which is the shoulder that is throbbing. I am also on my 2nd cup of very strong coffee from my Seattle. No breakfast, just coffee and pills. What a way to end the year!
I started this year off in San Diego and found myself then entering into a relationship that began as quickly as it ended. Due to this relationship I took much too much time off wondering and waiting for things to happen. It all seemed right at the time, looking back over the year at that specific item, I probably should have been more honest to myself about how things weren't going to work out in the end. I think I knew earlier than I admitted but given the kind of person I am and the kind of person I was with, we both wanted to make it work and give it our all. We can't fault ourselves for trying. And in the end- I learned much more about myself, love, men, what I want and for sure what I don't want. It's a prime example of the cliche "if you lose, don't lose the lesson". I didn't! What I experienced and learned was golden and though I spent a lot of time not doing anything but pondering and waiting, in the end it all made sense.
Once that ended, I got busy looking for work. This area too presented many challenges. Being a licensed social worker in AZ is alot different that being one in WA. I started and ended a few jobs, more than I wanted to deal with. It's not my M.O. I like consistency and at that point was seeking some sort of settled feeling due to the chaotic nature of everything else around me.
But I kept searching and wondering and hoping for the best, and couldn't be more thrilled to be where I'm at now- on the horizon on my excellent new job starting soon. The one that I always wanted and in some ways thought it impossible to get. But I did and it's a great way to end and begin a year.
I also continued to perfect or at least practice my communication skills with both family and friends. It was a year of redefining boundaries, setting some news, letting go of others. A good portion of the year was me working on bettering my self in all aspects...of course spiritually being the first and foremost. The one thing I hang onto the most and rely on before all is that relationship with God, Jesus, Creator, Spirit, Universe...all titles are interchangable. This is who I seek out in the darkness of the night, in the fear, in the wondering, in the hoping, in the celebrating. This is always a defining moment.
I'm sad this year wasn't full of more concerts except for Helio. I did meet Maynard JK though and he just started at me. I travelled a ton this year...I was out and about at least once a month if not more. That's always a highlight for me and I hope 2009 allow for just as much or more!
I learned to appreciate my parents more than ever, is that possible since I've always been a big fan of theirs?
I've appreciated the time spent with my good best friend Angela, she's a gem and I love that I get to see her so much more now!
I can't say this has been the best year ever, but it wasn't the worst. It was a year full of growing, learning, love, changes, exploration, family, travel, blessings of health and safety, decisions, licenses, celebrations and beauty.
I look back and am grateful that my family and I are healthy. I am grateful that I have a family that love me and support me and allow me to do the same. I am grateful that I am woman born into a country where I have choices, I have freedom and I have a voice. The alternatives are numerous and it's by the grace of God that we are where we are. I am grateful for my friends who love me and let me in their lives. I am grateful for my new excellent job and I pray that I will be the best social worker I can be for the population I will be serving. I am daily humbled by all that I and those around me have, at times that humility forces me on my knees to acknowledge my gratitude. I look back on these things with gratitude and look ahead for them to continue and prosper.
It's been a good year and here's to an even better one- 2009!
Happy New Year everyone. Stay safe celebrating and may it be great for us all!
Love- me

Happy Birthday to ME!

Ha! I'm 35 today. Holy $hit! I have so many thoughts about this yet don't want to stir up anything. I spent a great day with family. I always feel so grateful to my parents on this day, not that I am not just as grateful any other day but my birthday is just as much a celebration of them as it is me. My mom especially - she is the one who went through the 9 months of carrying me, laboring over me and finally pushing me. It's a humbling thought. To this day- I still love hearing my "birth" story as only she can tell it. I love hearing my dad's side too, what he was doing, feeling, witnessing. My parents are cute and super awesome! I am grateful to them for my life. Thanks mom and dad!

On another note, I looked at a condo today that is on the market, right in the neighborhood I want to be in. My parents joined me and asked all the right questions since I'm a newbie at this. It's a bit of a fixer upper since the guys living there now are students...lawn chair for furniture. But it has a great potential and the price is right. Sadly, since I'm a first time buyer it'll be quite difficult securing a loan given all the crazy housing tumult. But if it's meant to be, it'll be.
Exciting though!

And- I must return to the gym, I haven't had a regular workout routine since before thanksgiving and let's just say the jeans are getting a bit tight! YIKES!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and Happy 2009!
(I am not a fan at all of the New Years eve and day holidays) I will be hanging with my parents having a lovely dinner on the eve of and then chilling out the day of! Stay safe everyone!

Life's loves lost

Darn, I missed seeing Maynard James Keenan at Whole Foods this past week. My mom reminded me that the day he was there was the day that I received my good news about my new job, so sure, I had other things going on and didn't know he'd be there. I found out too late, but he is one of my favorite singers from one of my favorite bands, TOOL, so I'm sad to not have had the chance to stare at him (like he stared at me when I met him in April). I haven't had a PJ run-in for quite some time, so a Maynard run-in would have done the trick!
Currently I'm listening to Bon Iver's 'Skinny Love' (heavy rotation) and am reflecting on a conversation I had last night with my RiS. He's a very good friend and lives too far away. RiS and I met on July 23, 2006, he was standing right next to me at the first of two Pearl Jam shows at the Gorge in George, Washington. The second show, he ended up being 2 seats away from me, so we were able to chat, joke and make bets on the next song during the entire show. Too much fun! He was fun then and is still fun now. We spent some serious quality time in NYC while I was there last year. We discovered "the Place", the coolest hang-out in the west village. Often times, in my mind, I go back to The Place. We were out until 4am, we shut each venue we frequented down. It's up there as one of the best nights for me.
Anyhoo- RiS and I spent many many nights/hours on the phone while I lived in Seattle. Our record length for a phone chat is 4+ hours. We can just chat and chat...usually check-ins at first then onto music, and more music. Then all sorts of other stuff.
Last night was no different, I needed a dose of RiS last night. We both have always been in the same place about life together. Yet in some ways see things differently, but it's a nice combo. He just turned 40, I'll be 35. We are both single and are happy yet feel like we need to hurry up and do something. Yet are both picky and won't settle for dysfunction or anything else. We both agreed it's confusing, at times it's looked down upon to be single for picky reasons vs. being married for settling reasons. We talked at length about all this. It felt good! In the end, I know that I am doing super great and I know he will be too soon. My better future just opened up, I know his is on the way!
Last night's phone chat....started at 9:46pm and ended at 12:23am. Thank God for my excellent friends!

Sludge Factory

Good news to report! Remember in my last post how I explained about my job situation and how the one I really want is at the VA....well this week I was offered that position! Yay! It's fantastic. I am so excited for so many reasons! It's a great Christmas, birthday and New Year present all in one. I woke up the day after I received the offer and it felt like Christmas morning. It's a good thing for sure.
Not much else to report- taking my "big" exam tomorrow and haven't been studying as much as I should. I've done quite well on the practice tests I've taken so I feel like perhaps just review is all I can give this, hopefully it goes smoothly.
Up next- house hunting!
Layne Staley-looking extremely hot!

oh and Sludge Factory....one of my favorite Alice-in-Chains songs. It's off their last CD which came out 12 years ago. 6 years before Layne died. I've been thinking about him alot due to the way he died and what I do for a living. There is inspiration there, him and Andy Wood...sad sad sad. Anyhoo- Sludge Factory ==great song, angry song, Layne song!

. . . got nothing to say

Well, I've been accused by more than P and M, that I haven't written lately so here goes. I haven't updated just because I've got nothing to say (title of a Soundgarden song, early SG). I started a new job on Monday but never went back. Hee hee. It was a joke of a job and I could never ever do 12 step therapy. Not sure why I even took the job well, I know why I took the job but I was hesitant about it all along. Even John in Morning on monday morning couldn't help me! I knew what I was getting into..and since I'm not one to settle (guys, job etc- haven't yet), so why would I now? It was an awful day and I didn't go back and I'm not looking back.
I have another offer that I accepted. It's for a clinical director (fancy title) and fancy money. But I'm not excited for it mainly because I know for at least 2 hours if not more each day I will be stuck in traffic. I don't mind traffic, I mind the time it takes out of my life.
But it's clinical- me supervising 12 social workers....we'll see. I'm still holding out for the VA since that's where I really want to be! It'll happen, I'll make that one happen!

I'd like to now state what I am grateful and thankful for in no particular order: my parents for the generosity and love and putting up my overprocessing of these big adult decisions I'm making, my bro, sis and kids for their love and fun spirits, my aunt for listening to me patiently, my friends- Ang, Sue, Stac, Sar, Gre(hope the leg heals fast and faster), Blake, Ray, Car, Rob, Ric.....these are the people who listen to me at all hours of the day or night. They return my voicemails, they respond to my emails, they soothe my tears(which have been plentiful lately), they make me laugh, they understand, they cheer me on, they get it. Thank you friends for being there- I miss you all like crazy!
My many job options- people, in the last few weeks I've been offered like 4 jobs....it's flattering, it's humbling and I'm grateful to be wanted. (C'mon VA).
I'm grateful for music and memories that at times get me thru things like nothing else. I'm grateful for hope, for peace, for constantly striving for them and knowing who to turn to for them. I'm grateful for the health and safety of me and my family. That we are all employed and getting by. That we have warm homes and clothes to wear and cars to drive.
I'm grateful for the exciting and fantastic things that will happen in 2009. A new year with new promise.

More later- lovelies....

Good

I am pleased at Obama's announcement that he will offer Hilary Clinton the Sec of state position. I called this one! I called it on election night! It's not about being right, but I'm glad I am!
Not much new. I am finishing up my current job, and ready to start my new one on the 1st. I am ready to be a clinician again. The current job I have is so not my thing!
I cannot believe how fast time is going. It seems it was just last year and we were doing this holiday thing, now it's upon us again! Crazy!
I am supposed to be studying for the sub. abuse credential exam but I cannot find the motivation to do so. I peruse my subject matter but don't have it in me right now to sit and critically study this stuff. I am soooo done with exams like this. But in the end, having that last credential will feel good. So after thanksgiving, I will settle down and cram for 2 weeks.
I am totally in my head pondering where I want to move to. I want to live in Tempe but it's pricey. I don't mind closer to where I am now but it's boring. Furthermore, should I buy or rent? Buying is a huge committment and I'm not sure I'm going to be in AZ forever. Cali still calls my name. But I know now is a good time to buy- good investment. I'll see how the next few weeks go with this new job and how the commute is (commute is big for me).
Hope everyone is well. Thanks for all your emails and continuous check-ins. Love you!

Reason # 5,469,389,903 why I love Seattle....

SEATTLE - When it comes to public nudity, Seattle may be the most liberal city in the country, but a number of organized, naked bike rides prompted the parks department to reconsider nudity on beaches and city parks. But Thursday night, the city's parks board refused to ban non-offensive public nudity despite some complaints from the public. Nude events will therefore likely continue in the future, although perhaps under tighter scrutiny.
The parks board decided that to limit nudists would be to single them out. If nudists follow the rules, they can continue to use the parks. Naked bike rides are a Seattle tradition. In Seattle it's illegal to flash someone, but perfectly legal to run around nude and police officers take action only if a nudist is lewd or obscene.

LONG LIVE THE SOLSTICE PARADE's NAKED BIKERS...you knew it was summer when you saw the freeballin', floppin' painted skins of those crazy bikers.
I love you Seattle!

Happiness!

Go here to see photos of us celebrating a glorious election night. WE LOVE OBAMA!

mY mAD cRUSH

Silly, I know. But for some reason, I STILL have a crush on this guy. His name is Kris. He was the photographer for my BFF's wedding in August. He and I became chummy, mainly because his only agenda for the day was to follow the bride around. Since I was her Maid of Honor that was my agenda as well. So, we were around each other all the time. He's single, age 34, cute as they come, perfectly artsy with his camera and big ring on his index finger and cool Stoney glasses. When the bride introduced us she looked at me and said "I know exactly what you are thinking". The rest of the day was spent listening to the bride and her mother transpire a plan to get us married. It didn't work. Mainly because I'm not quite sure what team he plays on if you know what I mean. Though when I asked him if he was single as we were getting dressed, the bride and I that is, he blushed. He's a cutie and for some reason I've been thinking about ever since the wedding 2+ months ago! (click on the photos above for a bigger, better view).

I have included a few photos though they aren't of him, you can see him in the background or on the side.
This does in no way minimize the fact that I had a very lovely date for the wedding- he was fun, fine and a gracious friend. But I still couldn't help look!

thoughts on a cloudy, Autumn sunday

It's quite chilly here which adds to the autumnal feel which we are all craving! I miss seasons!
Having a great weekend that has been productive and relaxing at the same time. I have to take yet another exam for my substance abuse credentials, so have been busy studying for that. Also went and looked at apartments yesterday and even homes near Mill Ave. since that's where I really want to end up.
I got a new job...and have a lead on another one. Either way, will be glad to leave my current one, it's been fun and nice but too boring for this girl.
I spoke with a BFF of mine, Ricker, he is definitely up for going to SXSW this March...so finally I will be going, it's only taken like 7 years to get there. But he is the best person I can think of to go with and we will have a blast...now the fun begins, planning our meet up and planning each day which bands we will see perform. I'm hoping Helio and Kings of Leon are there again....will be a fun time with a fantastic guy!
Hope your weekend has been as nice as mine (still riding the Obama Won wave)!

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST....

THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE ARE FREE AT LAST!

This has been a historic and wonderful day to go down in American history. I cried tears of joy this evening as I celebrated with hundreds of other Barack Obama supporters at his headquarter party in Phoenix. I was with my BFF Ang and her cute sisters. We had fun, we cheered, we laughed, we cheered some more, we cried and rejoiced in the beauty of the moment. It's about time- is all I can say!
Thank God for Obama and for his win! Woooohoooo!
NOW, on to Inauguration day....I'm looking into tix!
Good times ahead for us all now that change has happened....and THANK GOD NO MORE G.W. BUSH- the idiot is almost gone!

can't wait for election day...

Finally, today's the day. As my friend Ang says "Obama or Bust". I feel hopeful which is hard since I live in McCain's home state and am surrounded by conservative Republicans. I am holding my own though and can disassociate from them! Tonight said friend and I will be somewhere with other like-minded folks celebrating history being made. This is important to me, to us. It's exciting.
Lots of other exciting things happening in my life, though as usual, timing is everything and waiting is more. Halloween was the most boring one I've had but that's cool, I've made a pact with myself to always be in a different city with friends each Halloween. Next year, I plan to return to NYC to celebrate in style and have much more fun!
Not much really new...just waiting on a few things to go down re: my career/job and looking ahead with all intentions of staying positive!
More later-

BOO!

Today is the world's greatest holiday. Halloween. I've never had a bad halloween, I've always had the most fun! Wishing you unexplained noises, things that move by themselves, scary sounds and a night full of magic and spookiness. Remember- anything can happen on halloween, your dog can turn into a cat also, have you seen the ghost of John, long white bones and the rest are gone!?

Happy Halloween!

Sparky- yes, Happy Anniversary, friend!

I know WHAT the caged bird sings....

That she is missing her friends...love all y'all- thanks for the great phone chats and for checking in. Stace, Sar, Su, Gre, Ri, Bla, Ray, Ang....(names have been changed to protect the innocent). You are the best friends a girl could have! You girls are my sisters (since I don't have any).
Can't wait to see you soon. Cheers to you all, my lovelies!

rearviewmirror

Guess what?! I bought a new car! It's so exciting. Well: it's not new, but new to me. It's a 2003 Fresco Green VW Passat. It has all the perks and sweetness that a newer car has. I was driving around a reliable but old car I inherited from grandma. So, it was time for updating. Props to my dad, Cra, who assisted in the fine print work with buying a new car. Thanks Cra! I'll try to upload a photo soon.

Oh no...

Ed & Caleb from Kings of leon

It's not a lie that I was sad when I heard that Ed Vedder made a "surprise" appearance at the Kings of Leon show in Seattle this past week. I know he is a big fan of theirs and wasn't surprised to hear that he did that. He performed on the last song they played for the set. How cool! I must admit that I've been to a few special shows like that where unannounced, all of sudden there is this little guy named Ed on stage yet larger than life in so many ways performing with the unknown band I was watching. It's cool when it happens, it's even cooler to leave the show and relive the moments when you realize it's him. I'm jealous of the people that were at that show...jealous cuz they got to see Kings in all their glory and the added spice or cherry on top of that was Ed's presence and performance. I miss good concert moments like that.

Manhattan

So I was driving to work this morning listening to, of course, Kings of Leon (I can't turn this album off- I am listening to it non-stop..yes, it's that good). Track #5 is called Manhattan. It's about the city...it's a fantastic song, quickly becoming my favorite. Anyhoo- I got sentimental, cuz it's that time that I told you about. I was feeling the need to reflect on my fun NYC trip I took a year ago. The song just cemented the reflections for me. Great song, great memories of a super fun and fantastic trip which you'll be hearing about soon again. Speaking of Manhattan I was watching my favorite show, Sex and the City last night. Back to back episodes- two of my favorites actually. Some of the plot situations and things that were said especially in these two episodes really ring true. Why is that women turn confusion to confuscious? Meaning if something is confusing or frustrating we get philosophical and say it all happens for a reason. This is something I don't doubt at all, but is there a need in us to always find the answers or the reasons behind something to explain it all and make it better? I believe everything does happen for a reason, it's all part of the bigger picture that we can only see in hindsight. It's a great outlook!
And speaking of Sex and the City--I'd like to thank Ricker and Jimmy for making my trip to NYC just that. I met Jimmy about 5 days into my trip...prior to that and after he left I was with Ricker. I had too much fun with both of my guys, my cousin referred to me as Carrie Bradshaw half way through my trip due to my late nights out with these boys...that to me, was a compliment!
More on my reflections of a journey to self discovery (my trip to NYC) that was already part of a journey to self discovery(my big move 2 weeks prior)....later!

someplace else--thought du jour

Remember that quote- sometimes all she could think is it would happen someplace else? Hmmm, that's on my mind. I've been in AZ for a year + now and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm restless. Things aren't happening fast enough for me and though patience can be a strong point for me, right now it's not.
I make mental lists about reasons to stay vs. reasons to leave. A year ago I saw myself not staying for more than a few months. That's changed mainly because I don't know where to go. Return to Seattle, I still remember why I left. San Diego --too pricey. So stay put? For what? The main reasons I've stayed this long are for my parents (I love being near them) and 3 little kids where the adoration is mutual. That's it.
It's a risky time to make another move. It's a silly time too since I just secured my licenses here. But, the limbo-ness that I've been living in for the last year is just so fucking old and I'm growing less tolerant of it daily. Yet, on the flipside- oddly enough, I've never been more zen about things than I am right now. How does that happen? Maybe I need to re-read Footprints in the Sand, the poem, again. I always liked that one.
More later-

Yummy

thank God for good music. I've said it before, I'll say it again, my music- good music gets me by and through everything! You all know the staples for me- PJ et al, but I've had Kings of Leon's new cd in heavy rotation. If you don't own it, it's a must. Please go out and get yourself a copy and you too can enjoy them for listening pleasure.

Say hello as well to Caleb. My new crush (lead singer of Kings of Leon). WOW!

the mid-west

Chicago at night...so pretty, oh so pretty

The midwest, a nice place to visit but, I'd never ever live there (again)! I am back from Chicago. Look for more postings and images to follow. It was a nice trip though I am now sniffling my way through a crappy headcold. I spent QT with the fam, QT dealing with family dynamics as well. All families have such unique dynamics, mine is no different. Happy happy, joy joy.

I also got to spend some QT with best friends of my mom's whom I refer to as my aunts, their kids are like my cousins. I love them all! We had a great time over the weekend then more fun my last few days there. Always nice to re-connect with the roots and gain different & new perspectives.

More later-

Well endowed vs. knowing what to do with it

I attended a "networking" breakfast this morning. I always find it interesting to meet other people and hear about the work they do, the people they serve and their approach to it all. My own form of voyeurism I guess. I am troubled by the number of people who are very credentialed in their area of practice: counseling, nursing, marriage/family, social work but yet have no clue about how to help the broken people they are serving. I listen to these people discuss their own history of trauma or addiction and find it inspiring that they rose above it but yet troubled that they are using only certain approaches to helping. Their credentials are well earned and make them look big....but their techniques are scary. I'm not a high and mighty SWer. I am humbled daily by my work (or former work)- being able to serve. But I worry about those well-endowed with creds that make them feel special vs. knowing what to do when the crisis/issue is bigger than their creds. Food for thought.

On another note- I decided to continue to talk to my young Prophet aka whippersnapper. I wasn't going to, but he kept texting and calling wondering where I was, how I was and when we could talk. So, I called. I am fine that I did. And oh no, he wants to see me again. He wants to meet up somewhere. That won't be happening soon (if at all)....but ya know, when he calls me "sugar" or "gorgeous" in that damn Texan drawl, I start thinking well, maybe we could meet somewhere. Yikes. Anyhoo- he's still cute and he's still fun and extremely entertaining to talk to on the phone!
I leave for Chicago tomorrow. Looking forward to that. I will be seeing my former neighbor and good friend D. We have much to catch up and will lament over the state of the US.
More updates later!
And hey- Sparky, darling, you presence is still felt in my heart and head. Thanks for sparking that fire so long ago. Love, me

Fighting back with my mind

Thoughts for today- scattered but content. I need a new job, I want a new job. I like the job I have currently- don't get me wrong- but I'm not being used properly and I want to be. The market is shitty here in AZ, jobs are not plentiful but qualified SWers are. So, I'm literally a big fish in a big pond with other big fishes. Competition. I have this favorite quote that goes "sometimes all she could think is it would happen someplace else". Well said. Except I spent 10 years doing that. Now I think maybe it happens in NYC. But talk about a big pond!

I have another quote that I like- it's from my good friend Phil. He once said to me "you can't have roots and wings at the same time". So true. And for me I am constantly trying to figure out what I want more. To settle down, find that secure job and hopefully marry, have a family and live resolved that way? Or stay the course, have no real committments and travel til I've seen it all? Roots and Wings. Roots or Wings? It's confusing, it's fun to be confused by these things- I mean they aren't bad and I love having options. But approaching the age that I am (in about 2.5 months) I feel that something needs to give. Living in limbo ain't fun, living with the status quo is unacceptable. Such is life after making a big transition.

I do have to say a big thanks to my P's. Who are awesome and supportive. I don't really talk to anyone else here except for my mom and dad. They are always quick to listen and respond...other than them, thanks to my cool friends up North. Your support continues to bless me and your friendships inspire me. You are the sisters I've never had and it's true when they say friends become your family. Thanks! Love you!

my young whippersnapper

Yes, darling sister of mine (wife of my brother), I will 'blog' about this.
My trip to KC started out completely uneventful. As I was reading the latest edition of my favorite rag mag a handsome gent caught my eye with his smile. He has a nice one. He kept staring at me from across the aisle, always greeting me with a smile or a wink. Hmmm, I thought. What's he all about?
Upon arrival in that boring city, as we ventured off the plane he made small talk with me and proceeded to introduce himself to moi with the heartiest of handshakes explaining that he is in town for a training (like me) and we realized our respective hotels were within 2 blocks of each other. His Texas drawl and joyful smile made me say yes to his invite for cocktails out that night or the next or perhaps even dinner. I was fine for either. Game on.

I declined the first night, but the 2nd night we decided to meet at a pub for drinks and then move on for dinner to a restaurant. He once lived in boring KC (which wasn't so boring at this point). Cocktails were yummy, dinner was wonderful mainly due to the fact that he has a large expense account. The rest of the night was ...fantastic. He's 30 which is exactly what my darling sister said I should go for, the younger man. Now, I'm not interested in going for anyone right now. But I'm all about having fun and that's exactly what he is & what we had. It helps also, to finish off two old fashioneds and a bottle of riesling between us plus a few late late night caps. KC turned out to be not so boring after all with a little thanks to my new, very cute friend!

Need I say more?!

I was 2nd row at this show, July 24, 2006, The Gorge in George, Washington. Pearl Jam in all their glory. Why post these? Cuz I found them in my photo archives, they bring back great memories and I am (listening) rockin' out to this exact show right now!
(1st= Ed; 2nd=Ed, Jeff, Mike; 3rd= Ed, Jeff, Stone, Matt

the little things

I had a great weekend. It was casually spent hanging with the P's and helping them around the house, I enjoy stuff like that. Took a road trip yesterday to hear a lovely group of people sing about lovely things- very peaceful! Spent a good part of this weekend on the phone chatting with my closest comrades- thanks everyone for the great chats, it's always wonderful to get caught up on life, hear your stories, share mine and make plans for future fun. I spent friday night in- watching the debate...if you weren't already planning on voting for Obama, I hope his responses to friday's questions help you realize he's the only way to go. He is the change this country needs and gives us hope that we will be a strong nation again.
Thank God for John in the morning, he played the best mix of music this morning- to help me ease into a monday. John or JITM as the Seattlites refer to him is incomparable. When I left Seattle I had to deal with three facts: that I would no longer live near water, near Pearl Jam or have KEXP at my disposal. These three things were what I had to reconcile the longest. John is worth sticking around for.
Thank God for Eddie Vedder and his voice, for making my drive to work more tolerable. I tuned into John once at work, but for the approach to work, it was Ed going Into the Wild.
Thank God for Maynard James Keenan and his rockin' vocals.
Happy monday!

Like it was yesterday....more thoughts

I am so glad it's friday, I can't wait to sleep in this weekend. I am also excited for a 30 minute run that I plan to do while at the gym this afternoon. I am going to Kansas City next week. It should be fun because it's for a training and it will be fun to hang out with my "co-workers" plus I get to see my ex-Mark, we have plans for cocktails or dinner and I get to see my old friend Scott and meet his very pregnant wife. Scott and I met at the Sagrada Familia church in Barcelona Spain about 5 years ago. He was going up one of the towers and I was going down. We were inseparable after that for about 3 days. He was the superhero that helped me out with my very badly sprained ankle and he's a great guy to be with while finishing off a few pitchers of Sangria. Anyhoo- KC, been there more than I ever thought I'd have to be.
I am also leaving for Chicago in a few weeks! Good times!
The one hour season premier of The Office didn't disappoint. It was superb. Highlight was Creed dividing up his dried rice with a credit card like it was cocaine. Can't wait for Kath and Kim in a few weeks then 30 Rock in a month!
Sentimental thoughts....well, I warned you, so here I go. It was one year ago today that my brother and I finalized the packing of my boxes and hoisted them into a bright yellow truck ready for a move. We started the morning with breakfast at Coastal Kitchen then I visited my friends at my place of employment, then we got busy. It was a weird day because I allowed myself not to really think too hard about what I was doing, I had already had every thought there was to have. I was ready. We played the music loud and got done earlier than expected with partial help from Mr Magic- Blake! After we got the truck secured with just a few things to pack up, we headed down to my all time favorite Seattle bar called the Cha Cha, I only take my most favorite people there. We had more than enough drinks to numb whatever feelings might be present. Then walked down the hill to attend the first showing of the movie Into the Wild. A beautiful movie by Sean Penn and a movie that couldn't have been more fitting for me and what I was embarking on. I bawled through the end of the movie and by the time we left the theatre it was a full on cry fest. My bro did his best to talk me through it. At that point the tears were about what was finally hitting me (and of course my sentimentality) realizing that was my last night in Seattle. It was slightly traumatic but not really. We walked up the hill one last time and headed home because we still had some stuff to do for the morning's departure.
I still remember all the reasons why, after 10 years, I left that city. Change, priorities, new challenges, those are all still present but it doesn't take away the feelings of missing it or wanting parts of it back. See my other posts to understand that (limbo-ness that is my life right now).
Back at my apartment I made a few phone calls to friends that left me teary voicemails, I couldn't deal with seeing them then, in the state that I was in. I just left it as "see you soon". They understood. Then me and my bro ended that night, my last night, much the way we ended my first night in Seattle, laying on the floor of my apartment with only blankets beneath us, watching tv, dreading and anticipating the next morning and pondering the journey ahead. It was exciting, it was scary, I was happy, I was sad, I was ready, I was oddly enough content, and I was glad my bro was right next to me during all of it.
There may be more thoughts on this, then again, sentimentality aside, I am not one to really dwell on the past except to remember it fondly. But I knew this day would come and I knew I, in my own way, would have to deal with it the way I need to by reflecting on it. Like I have said for years now, you can take Lisa out of Seattle but you can't take Seattle out of Lisa.
A year later- wow, parts of my life are very different and parts are still very much the same. It's the collective human experience I guess. C Jane Run spoke very eloquently about it on her blog today and I could relate to most of what she said- life what is it, why is it etc. ?
for now all I can say is-
I miss you Seattle, but I love the person you made me become.

Love Need Love Want Love

Sentimentality

You have to work with me here a bit...if you know me well then you know I am extremely sentimental. I'll celebrate anniversaries of things in the past that most people wouldn't care about or even remember. It's how I am and how I've always been. With that said, the next few weeks, maybe 4-6 to be exact, hold many "anniversaries" and reflections for me that no doubt you will be reading about because I'll want to share them with someone. Your patience is appreciated!

Scary thoughts

I was laughing about the fact that I know all the words to Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg's radio play songs. I also know all the words to Ice Cube's "today was a good day". That's odd coming from me since I can also outsing George Michael and Eddie Vedder, meaning, seeing them live, I sing every word they sing..all the right oohhs and ahhhs and everything in between. But the Dre and snoop and Cube....that's scary! It also scares how into blog-surfing I am. Yikes. I am also bothered by how much I like candy corn and those little pumpkins...no shame there. I could write about my fears re: the upcoming election, McCain, Palin etc...but remember not a political blog. So instead I'll share a fun story with you. This is a story about a guy called Mike McCready who plays lead guitar for a band called Pearl Jam.
I attended a show years ago now, in Seattle at a small venue called the Sunset Tavern (my favorite place to see a show). I was there with a good friend who decided to busy herself trying to get in good with the headlining band. One of the guys in the headlining band was a good friend of mine. His name is Rick. During the course of the pre-show activities---sizing up the crowd, ordering drinks, securing good viewing etc.-- I found myself doing these things alone since she was occupied. This nerd band dude who was in the opening band kept talking to me, wanting to buy me drinks, annoying me, basically he wouldn't let it rest. I was completely annoyed because he was invading my show space. So, I said to my friend Rick, hey, nerd guy is annoying tell him to leave me alone. Rick did and the dude didn't. Rick checked in again and I said he is still annoying me, Rick said alright, problem solved come with me. He led me to a table and who was sitting there, none other than Mike McCready, the lead guitarist for my ever-favorite band, PJ. Rick introduced us and explained the situation to Mike. Mike turned to me and said "I will be your body guard Lisa, just stick by me all night". (in sort of a dramatic way) I'm not sure if I moved at this point or could talk. But I gathered myself together and carried on. He invited me to sit down, then said no, let's go get drinks. He's in recovery so I didn't drink either, we both ordered cranberry juice. He asked all about me, what I did (grad student), what I studied and why? What neighoborhood I lived in? etc. Then I asked him and here's how it went:
Lisa: so Mike what do you do?
Mike: Umm, I play guitar
Lisa: Oh really, do you play in a local band?
Mike: Yeah you could say that, hee hee
Lisa: That's cool, there is some great music around here.
Mike: yeah, good scene- we like how the scene has treated us so far.
Lisa: Gosh, well, I hope your band does well with all the music out there
Mike: yeah we do pretty well for ourselves, so Lisa what types of music do you listen to?
Lisa: Oh wow, Pearl Jam is just my most favorite band.
Mike: silence- stares at me, Ummm, Lis, you are a total smart ass..
hee hee
Here's me, joking with Mike from f_cking Pearl Jam. Anyhoo- the night carried on in much of the same way. We hung out, he bought me drinks, he checked in on me while I was rocking out. He assured me that if anyone bothered me I could sit with him and just to let him know if anyone was bothering me.
Well, end of night-post show activities were on. Where would we go next, it was 3 am, should we go anywhere? Mike stopped by back stage where we were and said his goodbyes to Rick and the band. Then to me. A hug, a kiss and a good night. I followed it up by saying "hey, Mike thanks for being my body guard tonight and letting me hang with you". He said "Lisa, I'd guard your body anytime and it was a joy to get to know you", then a wink and he was off. Now I've gotten to know the PJ guys over the course of the years but this is one of my favorite PJ guy moments. It was on my mind, wanted to share it!
Have a good day!

A fine example of the corrupt justice system

I read that Damien Echol's writ of habeas corpus has been denied. Shocking! Denied by a backwood, good ole boy judge who doesn't know any better. Jason and Jesse's trials continue but Damien was shut out.
I see the corruption, us supporters of these dudes all see it. The powers that be are scared $hitless by their own wrong-doing. All evidence of guilt points to the stepfather of one of the young victims. Yet, Jason, Damien and Jesse sit in prison with no hope in site. Disgusting!
Oh and if you don't know what I'm talking about go here http://www.wm3.org/ -while there, why not donate to their legal funds? You too can check out the movie Paradise Lost - a detailed documentary about the murders at Robinhood Hills. It will really outrage you.
Thanks!

Losing ego, gaining self

A quick follow up to my previous post- as you can see/read and if you know me well, then you know my journey lately. The limbo-ness of everything. A few things to add- I have to address the fact that spiritually I have been on a journey of epic proportions and it has been fantastic. Going deeper in myself and realizing the depths of my relationship with the Spirit...truly amazing and I'm truly grateful for this quiet time to do this further exploring. It's always enlightening to go through the dark forest, and come out the other side to the light- a much better person. Now I spent 10 years on my own so this type of journey isn't new to me, it's quite familiar and always welcomed. I have ventured this path of searching and seeking many times, always knowing who's with me and always better for it. It's golden. And I realize, like I didn't already know, that I'm still top of my game- that hasn't changed at all!

ps. thanks for the all the fun comments I've received via email. I wouldn't want to open up yet another email address either (but did for this blog). I love reading your thoughts as well and appreciate you reading mine. special love to my seattle people- you know who you are and you know you are loved by moi!

Homecoming

So much of the past year for me has been about finding my grounding again. I left my home of Seattle, after 10 years, right when I was at the top of my game. I had a fantastic job where I was taken care of very well, I had a lovely apartment that allowed me to feel safe and cozy. I lived in a neighborhood where I loved to be any given time of the day, I knew my neighbors, they'd say hello and chit chat with me. I had friends that called on me all hours of the day and visited me and made plans with me to shop, drink lattes, drink wine, go to shows, take walks, do nothing at all, laugh etc. Then I left.
I left for so many reasons, one being that I really felt the need to be closer to my family again. We are all getting older and I felt that I was missing out on things that I should not have been missing out on. The little celebrations of life, the big moments of life, the day to day moments of life...I was having them on my own in Seattle while everyone else was having them here in AZ. I missed that.
Leaving wasn't difficult, it's looking back at how good I had it that is difficult. Not that I didn't realize how good I had it and of course I was grateful for everything I did have! I think it's the looking back that I've been doing lately only because the present is so unsettling or non-grounding. Looking for that right and better-fitting job that I desire, making my own friends who share my common interests and aren't married with kids (nothing in common there- of course I love my married mom friends though), trying to meet Mr. Right in huge sea of Mr. Wrongs or Mr. Maybes...not fun. It's all been so confusing, frustrating, unsettling....yet, in those quiet times when I do feel those feelings, somehow hope creeps in. And things feel better- even for a fleeting second.
I am reminded of why I returned when I am called to babysit my excellent nieces and nephew. Or when I get to hang out with my sis in law for a morning of Domestic Bliss shopping. Or planning a happy hour event with my bro or saying hi to my parents each evening, sharing dinner with them, laughing with them, sharing our days together. It might not be Seattle and the kick ass life I had there. But it is love, it is safe, it is home. And in the end, when the job falls into place, when the friends come around, when the right guy is next to me- my family's presence would have been constant through all of that and to me, that is priceless, that is why I came home!

OUTRAGEOUS!

I had no intention of this blog turning into a political wretch fest, but for this second it is. Palin is saying that the war in Iraq is part of God's plan and that the US is just carrying out God's plan. Oh MY GOD! I think my God is the same God that she's referring to and as far as I know my God isn't interested in killing thousands of people for the sake of fossil fuels. My God isn't interested in allowing one country to destroy another in his name. And the vain-ness of her quotes. Like the US Gov't has been specifically called upon by God to carry out a special plan! This is such BS. I hope the rest of the country sees the complete lunacy and ignorance of her whacked-out statements. If she's so pro-life, then how can she be pro-war? This is something that has always made me curious...the pro-life movement, the political platform that honors it are the conservative, right wing, Christians yet they are pro-war= pro-killing. It makes no sense. I wonder if Palin will feel that way if something happened to her son who is headed for Iraq. Will it still be God's plan then?
I'm done with that rant. I am glad that my God loves all of his people unconditionally, no matter what they say. I have to add that I do indeed tremble for my country, and people like Palin and Bush and the rest, when I reflect that my God is a just God!
Thanks for reading!

thoughts du jour

I hope Mr. Obama sweeps this election. I can't handle the thought of him not. I do not like Sara Palin. Helio Sequence is one of my favorite bands and their new CD is one of their best. I just broke up with my boyfriend, so now I'm single again, single at 34...who would have thought? I am a licensed social worker no matter what other states say! I hope the dollar increases in value so I can return to western or eastern Europe in the spring and have money left over. I miss my beloved Seattle and all the good food, friends and fun I had, but not enough to move back. I believe the events that took place on Sept. 11, 2001 were an inside job. Masterminded by a government out to perfect their own agenda (names shall be nameless) for things like oil, money, security. If you are not outraged then you are not paying attention. My nieces and nephew are totally cool and cute. My family is awesome!

Virgin to the blog world...aka the fishbowl

For all you voyeurs- I have decided to create one, we'll see how long the creativity and exhibitionism lasts. Stay tuned...